Why “If He Wanted To, He Would” Is A Terrible Piece of Relationship Advice

How social media has normalized not communicating your needs with your partner

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

There’s a saying out there right now — all over the internet, in conversations, on TikTok, on Instagram, and even in songs like Kylie Morgan’s track:

“If he wanted to he would.”

Like most poor pieces of advice, there’s some truth in this statement. If someone truly has a goal and a mission, they’re likely to do whatever is necessary to achieve that.

However, this phrase is problematic for a lot of reasons that many people miss on first pass.

We like to believe that our partner, our love, our best friend and lover rolled into one would do anything for us. We want someone who can sacrifice for us, save us, rescue us, make us feel loved and cherished in the highest way possible. And we want them to do that all without us having to ask them to.

But the question remains — is this a fair expectation? Is this statement true? What are the issues with it? At the end of the day, while romantic and optimistic, nobody, no man or woman or anybody ever can fully know what we need, or, even if they did, fully satisfy what we need and want in our lives.